The Pain! The Horror!

My back hurts like so many demons are running through my muscle sinews causing all types of havoc. After months of doing sweet dick all, I now have to build and left and move and haul and cart heavy things around. I spent today trying to fit metal tubes together to make ice box racks, too bad they were all welded together like shit, so they didn't exactly get put together easily. I feel like I can feel my muscles ripping apart in protest. I'm so sorry muscles! Today was so busy, and I just don't know enough stuff yet, so it was very frustrating, I tried to stay building, but every time i would go find someone to ask them a question, like 5 customer would ask ME a question, so i then had like 7 questions to ask, and I got lost and frustrated a TON. SIGH, it does *seem* to be getting easier...

Tim got a job near my job, so I may not have to take many bus trips, THANK GOD. Oh, Tim got a job! We can afford things again! Tuesday is pay day, so I am going to get new shoes that I can wear to work, new pants, and go for all you can eat pizza. I hope to do lots of other things too, like buy groceries, and go to shows and BUY BOOZE (holy shit.) I AM SO EXCITED.

All that said, I'm in hurtville, and I think I may be stinky (noone has balls enough to confirm this, though noone has denied it) so I am going to shower and hope for the best. Have fun kids!

Brain... Food?

Today was my first day at work! I did a lot of training on the boring type learny stuff like health and safety and using the big-heavy-thing lifters, and stuff. But then I learned about BBQ's. My head is so jammed with BBQ information, I'm afraid if I fall and hit my head a whole pile of meat will spill out, as my brains have been replaced by steaks and burgers. I now know the difference between the types of paints (paint, powder coating, and viscous or some other v word enamel) and why the latter option is the best. I know why having enamel coated cast iron insides is better than just plain cast iron. Indeed, I am but one more 4 hour shift away from being the BBQ queen, as tomorrow is my full on BBQ learny day. I also have to learn how to fill propane tanks, which, while scary, should be alright. All in all, this job is AWESOME, and I am very very happy to have it. It even makes nearly 3 hours of public transport worthwhile. And no, I am not being sarcastic.

I also would like to point out there is a cereal commercial on the TV, that says "to see what (cereal brand) does, we'll have to go inside my insides!" she then transports into a weird pink room and says its a redecorated version of her insides. She then walks by two men one of which is gardening, and the other is sweeping and cleaning. Yep, this woman has two attractive men inside of her. One of them is planting seeds. None of the 5 boys I live with noticed this, until I pointed it out. Poor Will though, he didn't watch the ad as he was in the kitchen, and just heard me pointing it out... he was mildly concerned. One of those wrong part of the conversation deals. I hate to say this, but girls are RARELY laugh out loud funny, and I was actually quite content with myself for making everyone actually give a full on laugh. Go me!

Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?

Tonight Tim took me in a drain (squee!) since we haven't been exploring, and I really wanted to do that sort of thing when we came here, because that's all he could talk about! So we went. Its like, right down the road from our house, but it's been raining for the last week (it STOPPED and was WARM today, woohoooo!) so it was wet to the ankles. It was a bit cold, but not as cold as I would expect from Canada during this part of the season. My 'drain shoes' that we picked up at hard rubbish also apparently had some waterproofing issues, and as a result, I was pretty much one with the water from the get go. It was surprisingly therapeutic. There was a lot of graffiti, but Tim pointed out that a lot of the graf writers peter out in the first few meters of the tunnel, and then the explorers kick in. But, since there's been a bit of a culture swap, most people who explore now also do graf and vice versa, so you get some really awesome stuff on the wall right in the middle of the underground. I can't explain what makes drains so awesome, but it's like, when we think of being outside, we think of nature. I like nature, nature rocks. This was outside, but it was almost nothing to do with nature. That was really cool. It's also weird knowing there are like, things going on above you that are completely oblivious to your presence, but you are aware of theirs? I don't know... Anyways, the thing is, I just went in my very first drain, and I feel like a big girl now (even though, my pants did end up soaked).

Rain in Drought Land.

So, this is, as I've probably harried on about before, the driest state, in the driest country on this Earth, according to Tim. I believe him! But it is hard to believe when it rains like it has been raining. Australia does not muck about with its weather. It has rained so hard this week, that the river catchment where they gather water for the city proper (yes, the ENTIRE city, that has well over a million people in it) has become far too full. Full enough for them to open the floodgates and let 'er rip. My friends, being explorers, wanted to see this magical happening, and so we drove out into the hills and the naturey goodness to check it out. The drive out is brilliant, and so beautiful. I will never get sick of Aussie wilderness. The trees rock, the animals rock, the rocks rock, there is nothing shitty about this. The dam pouring out a whole shitload was pretty rad too. I'm saying this, because I have seem so many waterfalls that are apparently "spectacular" and thought "meh, could be better" but this was like "woah... thats a LOT." It was really cool to watch it change colors and patterns and shapes. To prove how NOT often this happens, on an out of town road, there were cars parked for ages. Old people, people with tiny kids, like, everyone and their dog was out to see this shit. Pretty darn cool.

So we drove even further out... and Tim took us to see something that noone else wanted to see just for me. A bit of back story first...

Australians have a collection of "Big" things. They make way massive statues of random shit, like oranges, or ants, or pineapples, or koalas... Then people climb up them and take photos of them for money. This is their passtime, this is what they do. There are dozens of these things scattered all around this country.

Well, just past the dam, was, the BIG ROCKING HORSE. Oh yeah. We didn't climb it, because noone gave a crap enough to pay, and I do not have a camera, so we opted out. But I AM going back, armed with camera and goofiness. I promise! It was awesome! We also saw some little white wallabies... Will and I thought they were giant bunnies, but theres no way a bunny is THAT big, then we figured it out, it was wallabies! Those cute little bastards! Oh man, I love how much wildlife here hops!

One Step Back, 3 Steps Forward

I got a much much much better job. I'll be working at Barbeques Galore, selling "typical Aussie blokes" bbq's. Sounds fun, right? I'm so excited, it should be nice to have people walk in and want what I'm selling, instead of me rocking up and being like here, buy something you don't want or need! I go in tomorrow for paperwork and training and such. The only down side is its like a billion miles away and will likely take an hour via bus, but that's ok, it will give me time with my iPod, and my notebook.

I was reading a small Vice magazine, Sumer Guide, and they had a thingy on how to make Halloween themed SNOWGLOBES. Stay tuned for some art and glitter-as-fake-blood themed creativity sessions!

Things otherwise have been going well, if you average it out over the last week. It started off sunny and hot hot hot and now it is raining (so hard of rain, you simply cannot imagine this rain, it actually hurts the skin if it hits you in the face.) The rain won't last long though, I hope. Tim and I had a big fight, but then we had a big patching up. Normally, this is yes, good news, but this time it feels much more resolved. Hopefully this is good. Moving across the world is so stressful, even when it doesn't FEEL like it is, it is. I realize that, even though its easy to make it about me and how hard it is for me, since I am the one out of my home and my familiarity and my friends... its hard on everyone who has to suddenly make room for this new chick they don't REALLY know that well. I mean, I did kind of invade a bachelor pad.

I'm really excited about having a job I am really truly excited about, and I think I will be getting up to much more mischief because of it. This should make my writing much more dynamic, so cross your fingers!

Nightmare of You

I had two nightmares this morning, and I have felt like shit all day because of them. Tim woke up at 10am, because he was going to go into the city. I then went back to sleep, and dreamed that he was going to go to a party and did not want me to go (we've been arguing over his excluding me from time to time lately, so it made me feel very badly that this is what started the nightmare off, and also made it that much more realistic and scary) so we fought, and I stole the car and drove off in it, so he couldnt drive, and I parked and hopped in the backseat to cry. Someone climbed in to the front seat, and started driving away, and i was freaking out because he was holding a knife at me. Eventually, he started cutting my legs and writing on them with the knife, and I was bleeding and screaming and trying to get away but there are no back doors so i was trapped, and eventually I bled to death. Then I woke up, and felt so fucking horrible, but I didn't think Tim was home, so I curled up in a ball and felt awful until I passed out again... Then the dreams started. I got mad at Tim for something entirely different, and I don't remember what it was. But I decided I was going to go for a walk afterward, to cool down because it was a very bad fight, with screaming. I was walking through the park where we always walk, and this person jumped out of the bushes and basically attacked me until I couldnt fight any more, and used a bike chain to attach me to a park bench, and then lit me on fire. I stayed asleep through the screaming and being burned alive, THEN as i was gasping my last breaths again I woke up. I again felt terrible, but knew Tim was not home, so I lay in bed shaking and upset being too afraid to get up until a while later, Tim came in and said he had been home the whole time. I was so scared, but he had errands to run and he was doing them out of the city, so he invited me along, and didn't try to comfort me at all, because we were in a hurry. Now he's gone out with his mum, and I feel awful, because we started to talk about it but then she came, and now I feel alone and frightened again. It was so scary that we HAVE been fighting about the same things in awake land, and then being upset with him cause me to be violently killed twice in one morning in dream land. I'm scared to be upset, I'm scared to even think of any bad thoughts even to make them go away. I'm just, in this horrible place mentally, and I just don't know how to get out!

I hate it when you dream something, and when you wake up, you can see fragments of where you were in the dream when you wake up, an you are not sure where you are exactly, and whether or not you are still alive...

Holla!

So, Tim and I got to the museum! It was awesome, I really enjoyed it. They ad a bunch of taxidermied animals, which, while creepy, was pretty cool. They had a huge whale skeleton too!! Lots of Pacific cultures (like Fiji and Solomon Islands etc) and aboriginal things. They had an exhibit on giant squids (squee!!!) and gems and meteorites stuff, as well as a small egyptian exhibit. Pretty fabulous. Even though part way through they had a fire drill, and we had to go outside for a while, which was weird! Overall, it was pretty awesome, and I'm glad we finally went.

Last night was our friends' Chad and Billie's engagement party... it was a REALLY good time, and a pretty epic party. 2$ beers, but when people started filtering out, there was a lot left on the tab, so Chad made it free for us, and we all got a bit too silly for our own goods. Chad was talking to a couple other friends of his, who aren't in our little circle, and they wanted to know where I was from in Canada, so I came over to talk a bit. Steve wandered over, and Chad was there, and we started talking about Henry Rollins, since Steve has been listening to Henry Rollins' stories in mp3 form... well the guys we didn't know didn't know who that was, so Steve said, "Nah don't worry about it mate" and the guy started bugging him about what he was wearing, and calling him a loser and shit... so Steve started crapping about his clothes... and then the dude pushed Steve, and punched him in the face (!!) so then in about .5 of a second it turned into these two faux tough guys, and our motley assortment of our 5 boy roomies, plus Laurie, plus Chad. Yep, thats right, they started a fight 7 on 2. Stupid fuckers. So the staff came out to watch and I was chatting with them, and I felt like it was my fault, because I was hammered, and I brought up Henry Rollins, and thats what started it, so I went and apologized to Billie and it was all ridiculous. We all got on our bikes separately, and rode home. It was crazy. We were all pretty retarded, and Tim and I don't exactly remember our ride home other than the fact that 1) I talked the WHOLE time, because I felt better when I wasn't paying attention to the ride, because I am terrified of riding on the street. In hindsight, this means I was probably riding like a fucking asshole, and very likely could have died. 2) I had to stop to pee behind a big gum tree in the park. I do not know how close or visible I was from the highways, as it was right near a major intersection.

Needless to say, we all had not-very-productive days. I, however, had a job interview at 3pm today at Bar-be-ques Galore. I think I turned on the charm enough that my hangover peaced out while I was there, so there is still hope!

In other news, both 30 Seconds to Mars, AND Greeley Estates, among others, are putting out new albums.... SOON. What fabulous news for me!

...Fail!

Tim and I, on Sunday, said to ourselves, ok, I know we've been talking shit about going to the museum for weeks, but tomorrow is a public holiday, so let's go tomorrow. It will be a nice sunny day and we can go on the bike ride through Torrens park to get there. Well, we didn't go. So we said, let's go tomorrow. We didnt go. We have made solid plans to go, every day, and it is now Wednesday, and we have not gone! Tim has been really unable to sleep, so I feel bad waking him up, and I'll be honest, I really loves my sleep and will get what I can, so we just sleep in later than makes it plausible to even ride in to town to go. SIGH, can't win them all, I guess. Maybe we'll go tomorrow... and tomorrow and tomorrow...

Most of our roomies have been on vacations out of town for most of this week or last, and the house has been pretty darn empty aside from Tim and I... well the last of them get home tomorrow, so the energy level (and noise level) should go up accordingly. I never thought I would say this, in a house with 5 boys and me, but I'll be kinda glad.

In other news... I read the Communist Manifesto, and I was incredibly disappointed by it. How was anything from that in direct influence of a political system used in two 'superpower' countries? I think this may be a classic case of people reading too much into something. Good on them, for their creativity; but bad on the writers, cause I'm going to be honest, I thought it was badly put together. Tim doesn't really agree, but, maybe North America has a different opinion on Communism since the US hates it... and Australia hears more news from China than the USA on their own news... Who knows.

Polar Opposites

So, many friends on Facebook today have been mentioning a downturn in the weather, even snow in some cases! I am REMARKABLY glad that I am avoiding winter. I would also like to mention, that while in some areas of Canada it is snowing, today it is 20 degrees, it is sunny as, I am wearing shorts, and hanging my laundry to dry on the clothes line.

That said, whatever the sky is doing where you are, I hope you are enjoying it as much as I am enjoying my bit of sky.

Love youse!

Misunderstanding

Well, since my last update, I've been working. I've also been not working. I've also had quite an inner battle, and some outer battles. This has, definitely, been a very hard week for me. I'll be completely honest, the job I got was an awful thing, and I have since quit. I feel so let down, by myself and by the job. I was so excited, that I failed to see that it was the exact opposite of what I came here for. The thing is, we all thought door-to-door sales would be good for me, I would get to see the town, I would get to meet people, and I would get outside in the summer. Unfortunately, I was not prepared for the reality of being driven to an unfamiliar location, dropped off to fend entirely for myself for 7 hours with no contact with anyone but strangers who;s lives I am intruding on and who, despite my talking to them, I am not MEETING. None of them wanted me there, and I hate absolutely HATE being alone and trapped. All that, and I was coming home miserable, frustrated, and sore from hours of walking after months of doing nothing. For commission only, no base pay. This means, that the 36 hours that I worked yielded me 15$, and frankly, it was sheer luck, and none of my own skill. Now, I don't feel that sales is not for me, and I also have no problem knocking on people's doors. The job, in essence, is a job I could do. But fuck, this is not what I came here to do, and it was a waste of time. On a great enough time line, sure I'd be making more than a normal job,as I'm sure I'd get better at it... but I'm on a timeline here, and I just can't afford to be spending more money on bus fare to and from work than I am making from it! So after a week of being so internally conflicted about how miserable I felt about this that it made me physically sick, I quit. I'm looking for other jobs that, while I may not like, they won't make me scared and miserable, and I won't be alone.

This has been pretty much the shittiest!

That said, today Tim and I went to the art gallery. I really liked it, they had some REALLY cool stuff in there. Tim had seen alot of it many many times, so I felt a bit rushed when he was a room and a half ahead of me, and not so sure that he would wait, and not wanting to get lost, but that just gives me an excuse to go all over again. They had these mod paintings, that I can't even describe... like they were just simple big blotches of bright colors, but there was so much to look at in so little variation, it was weirdly eye catching.

As I've been so shitty all week, I haven't felt very good about things that quite probably I have no reason to feel not very good about. Though there are a few people I've talked to on Facebook and email who probably don't know just how happy they have made me with such simple things. I really appreciate the frankness, and the familiarity. I miss being able to see someone who I have known for so many years that I don't feel I have to catch up, we just start from exactly where we left off. I guess this is what home sick feels like. :) Love you guys <3