Misunderstanding

Well, since my last update, I've been working. I've also been not working. I've also had quite an inner battle, and some outer battles. This has, definitely, been a very hard week for me. I'll be completely honest, the job I got was an awful thing, and I have since quit. I feel so let down, by myself and by the job. I was so excited, that I failed to see that it was the exact opposite of what I came here for. The thing is, we all thought door-to-door sales would be good for me, I would get to see the town, I would get to meet people, and I would get outside in the summer. Unfortunately, I was not prepared for the reality of being driven to an unfamiliar location, dropped off to fend entirely for myself for 7 hours with no contact with anyone but strangers who;s lives I am intruding on and who, despite my talking to them, I am not MEETING. None of them wanted me there, and I hate absolutely HATE being alone and trapped. All that, and I was coming home miserable, frustrated, and sore from hours of walking after months of doing nothing. For commission only, no base pay. This means, that the 36 hours that I worked yielded me 15$, and frankly, it was sheer luck, and none of my own skill. Now, I don't feel that sales is not for me, and I also have no problem knocking on people's doors. The job, in essence, is a job I could do. But fuck, this is not what I came here to do, and it was a waste of time. On a great enough time line, sure I'd be making more than a normal job,as I'm sure I'd get better at it... but I'm on a timeline here, and I just can't afford to be spending more money on bus fare to and from work than I am making from it! So after a week of being so internally conflicted about how miserable I felt about this that it made me physically sick, I quit. I'm looking for other jobs that, while I may not like, they won't make me scared and miserable, and I won't be alone.

This has been pretty much the shittiest!

That said, today Tim and I went to the art gallery. I really liked it, they had some REALLY cool stuff in there. Tim had seen alot of it many many times, so I felt a bit rushed when he was a room and a half ahead of me, and not so sure that he would wait, and not wanting to get lost, but that just gives me an excuse to go all over again. They had these mod paintings, that I can't even describe... like they were just simple big blotches of bright colors, but there was so much to look at in so little variation, it was weirdly eye catching.

As I've been so shitty all week, I haven't felt very good about things that quite probably I have no reason to feel not very good about. Though there are a few people I've talked to on Facebook and email who probably don't know just how happy they have made me with such simple things. I really appreciate the frankness, and the familiarity. I miss being able to see someone who I have known for so many years that I don't feel I have to catch up, we just start from exactly where we left off. I guess this is what home sick feels like. :) Love you guys <3